[[GEMMA]], [[UMA]], and [[TILLIE]] are standing by their truck in a carpeted car park in the middle of a deserted desert. They could be anywhere.
Where they want to be is EVERYWHERE. But they haven't made it yet. And to make it they need to make *it*.
*It* is the movie. A lo-fi indie movie starring themselves; a vehicle to launch their musical careers. Breaking with convention, it's going to be a schlocky horror movie. The plot came to Tillie in a dream: a gigantic monster is menacing a lonely town; four famous men are recruited to help and hack their way into the monster to destroy the beast from within; but then all contact with them is lost. The town fears the worst without their heroes. But then three unlikely ladies offer themselves up to the task.
This is *GUT THE MOVIE*. And it's going to be the greatest movie ever.
[[START THE GAME->$20]]Just as they are standing around, their manager [[STACE]] pulls up in a battered roadster and a plume of sand.
"What's the news, Stace?" the trio cry in unison.
She winds down the window and peers at them through wonky sunglasses. "Brace yourselves. Your show last night was modestly successful. One cheeky beggar even bought your EP. I've done the calculations, and after deducting venue costs, travel expenses, equipment rentals, manufacturing fees, and bribes, you've got a decent amount to play with{reveal link: '...', passage: '$20...'}: twenty quid." Stace dangles the note out for the three to see.
"TWENTY POUNDS?" Tillie exclaims.
"We can't make the greatest movie ever with twenty quid!" Uma adds.
"I tried to warn you..." Gemma sighs.
Stace shrugs. "I don't make the rules. You want my advice? Call it off. Spend what you got on beer and chips. Decide if you wanna play another show—or pack it in and beg for an office job."
"No!" Tillie shouts, "The whole point was to make the movie. We can't go home with *nothing*."
"We have to make the movie," Uma agrees, "There's no other way to express the unique joining of our souls."
"Nothing I can do," Stace says, "See you later, girls. It's been fun."
Tillie sighs and takes the bill. Stace winds the window up, skids around, and drives back off into the sunset.
Gemma kicks a stone around the tarmac. "You know, maybe she's right. We got about four hours before we gotta get back, and there's no way we're gonna make any more money in that time. Let's not embarrass ourselves for once."
Tillie scoffs. "Have you forgotten who we are? Look at this." She holds out the twenty pounds. "We don't need more than this. We're *GUT*. We can make a movie with twenty quid!"
The other two look sceptical.
"Okay, maybe that's a bad idea." Tillie hops around the parking lot. "But we could make a *trailer* with twenty quid. Then we can show it off and get our funding!"
They give in and start trying to figure out how it could work. The three of them can work for free, and they've got cameras (well, phones) and a quiet place to film. They each make a suggestion for how best to utilise their twenty-pound budget.
> [[GEMMA: Spend it on a better set.]]
> [[UMA: Spend it on another actor.]]
> [[TILLIE: Spend it on the monster.]]
> [[STACE: Give in and buy chips.]]- Sings and plays guitar.
- Short dark hair, tattoos, plucky smile.
- Always tried to prove her independence from the Factory, but still finds herself awake at night longing for the Manager to come back to save her.
- The most unwilling to change, and also the most desperate to change.
[[BACK TO START->Without You, Without Them]]- Sings and plays keyboard.
- Long blue hair, wide shoulders, warm hug.
- Wistful about the community back at the Factory, even while acknowledging that she was only seeking an escape from the cult.
- The most willing to change herself to accomodate someone else.
[[BACK TO START->Without You, Without Them]]- Sings and plays bass.
- Tricolour buzzcut, long arms, frazzled demeanour.
- Constantly emphasising how rough things were at the Factory, and determined not to stand still now they're in the outside world.
- Couldn't possibly change. She is already everything.
[[BACK TO START->Without You, Without Them]]- The manager of the trio, though thankfully not *the* Manager.
- Shoulder-length white hair, bony, cunning smirk.
- A friend from outside the Factory who helped them escape, and then pointed out what a great promotional backstory the three outcasts had.
- Always looking for a little extra change.
[[BACK TO STORY->$20]]Searching through costume shops in the nearby town of Debauchery, the trio struggle to find a suitable garment for only twenty quid. They realise what they really need is fabric to hold everything together. Thankfully, there's a discount outlet store at the edge of Debauchery. They find a great long yellow–white bile-duct of material which is all dirty and discoloured—and discounted—from a machine malfunction. It's perfect.
Back at the parking lot, they cover the truck in the cloth, fixing it in places which should make it bulge unusually and billow strangely. They use their creation as another actor, shooting a set of scenes with the four of them interacting:
1. With the monster blotting out the sky behind her, Gemma takes a phone call and relays the premise of the movie to anyone standing nearby.
2. Gripping the flesh of the monster, Uma whispers a tearful goodbye to her lover inside.
3. Underneath the monster's skin, the trio fight it with their fists.
4. Lying on the deflated mass of the monster's body, Tillie catches her breath while covered in confettied skin.
5. *GUT THE MOVIE*
[[SUBMIT THE TRAILER->Emily I'm Sorry]]The three nod and get in the truck, driving to the nearby town of Settlement. Gemma looks up the best chip-shop on her phone and leads them right to it. They spend their twenty quid on three beers, a large chips, and a packet of onion rings and sprawl out on an outdoor sofa lit up by a streetlamp.
"Stace was right," Gemma sighs.
"Chips," Uma agrees, "Chips are good."
Tillie licks her fingers, then wipes them on a napkin. "I think I've got a better idea actually—for how we can get more money and make the movie. Does anyone have a pen?"
"Not now, Tee," Gemma says, "Let's just have our chips and get a good night's rest."
THAT'S A WRAPSearching through strangers on the streets of the nearby town of Debauchery, the trio struggle to find someone who can give their cast something they don't have already—until they meet the hairy and foreign YLVA, who is not suitable to play a mayor or a lover but has the perfect energy for a more surreal version of their monster. Ylva is also willing to go to a parking lot in the middle of a desert with three strangers and work for an hour for twenty pounds.
Since they can't afford practical effects or costumes, they achieve what they need by having Ylva take off their clothes and stand far away from the camera in a way that makes the trio look insignificant by comparison. With careful use of angles and natural lighting, they put together an ominous and strange set of scenes they hope will convey an atmosphere:
1. Not noticing the monster's leg looming behind her, Gemma narrates a news update from her phone which explains the premise.
2. Appearing to stand on the monster's shoulder, Uma waves a tearful goodbye to her off-screen lover.
3. Seemingly inside the mouth of the monster, the trio throw rocks at teeth.
4. Leaning against the monster's foot, Tillie catches her breath while covered in saliva.
5. *GUT THE MOVIE*
[[SUBMIT THE TRAILER->True Blue]]Searching through second-hand stores in the nearby town of Debauchery, the trio quickly realise they're not going to be able to afford more than a couple of small props. Apparently vintage bric-a-brac is all the rage now with cheese-nosed teens and everything is too expensive.
Instead, they spend the twenty pounds on fuel so they can drive to a more scenic backdrop. There's a perfect ghost village named Hurl a couple of hours away, covered with trees that could pass as forests, hills that could pass as mountains, and houses that could pass as homes. They move around from place to place and shoot a pretty diverse set of scenes for the trailer:
1. In a crumbly cottage, Gemma listens to a radio explain the premise.
2. In the woods surrounding the town, Uma says a tearful goodbye to her off-screen lover.
3. In a nasty basement which could easily be the guts of a monster, the trio kill a wall with sticks.
4. In a gravel pit, Tillie catches her breath while covered in mess.
5. *GUT THE MOVIE*
Of course, they can't afford to film any kind of monster, but Gemma figures they can just draw over the footage in a free video editing program. They've got some nice blurry shots of the forest scene, so hopefully the low quality can cover up the, well, low quality.
[[SUBMIT THE TRAILER->Cool About It]]Since the set was Gemma's idea, she presents the trailer to the Submission Board, a steep office in the nearby city of Planned Obsolescence.
"It's not that good," she admits while fidgeting with the USB stick, "But we had fun making the trailer."
"I'll be the judge of that," the Boardman says.
He watches the video with a watery expression.
"The story bores me, and the acting is uninspired," he declares, "But I'm fascinated by your choice of imagery. I think you should have a second go. Here's two hundred pounds. Don't spend it on chips."
"Oh," Gemma says, "Well, I can't promise it'll go any better. But I guess we have no choice!"
The Boardman gives her ten twenty-pound notes, which she takes back to Uma and Tillie with a cringe.
"That's grand!" Tillie cries.
"We could use one of these to get back up to Hurl," Gemma suggests.
{embed passage: 'Not Strong Enough'}Since the actor was Uma's idea, she presents the trailer to the Submission Board, a steep office in the nearby city of Planned Obsolescence.
"I love this piece," she explains while scratching her thigh with the USB stick, "I hope you love it, too."
"I'll be the judge of that," the Boardman says.
He watches the video with a frosty expression.
"The story lacks life, and the visuals are uninspired," he declares, "But I'm fascinated by your actor. I think you should have a second go. Here's two hundred pounds. Don't spend it on chips."
"Oh wow," Uma says, "I can't thank you enough! You truly have a kind heart."
The Boardman gives her ten twenty-pound notes, which she takes back to Gemma and Tillie with warmth.
"That's lovely!" Tillie cries.
"We could use one of these to hire Ylva again," Uma suggests.
{embed passage: 'Not Strong Enough'}Since the effect was Tillie's idea, she presents the trailer to the Submission Board, a steep office in the nearby city of Planned Obsolescence.
"This is powerful stuff," she proclaims while brandishing the USB stick, "Could be the next big thing."
"I'll be the judge of that," the Boardman says.
He watches the video with a fierce expression.
"Frightening," he declares, "I don't like it."
"Oh. Bastard."
THAT'S A WRAP[[?]]"Right," Tillie interrupts, "Or we could spend it all on—well, what?"
They each offer a suggestion.
> [[GEMMA: Spend it on even better sets.]]
> [[UMA: Spend it on even better actors.]]
> [[TILLIE: Spend it on an even better monster.]]
> [[STACE: Give in and buy even more chips.]]Searching through the lower-end stores and warehouses in the city of Planned Obsolescence, Gemma is ready to give up when she sees a note pinned to a telegraph pole about a local car-boot sale. This turns out to be a treasure trove of not only useful and cheap objects but also of people who own interesting and recently-emptied rooms. The result is a series of very busy scenes:
1. In a glamorous cottage, Gemma and a couple who aren't her parents who insisted on staying in case anything got broken watch a news report explaining the premise on a large array of old televisions and laptops.
2. In a dingy bedroom, Uma sings a tearful goodbye to her sprawling collection of teddy bears.
3. In a vast and eerily-clean basement which might be the bone marrow of a monstrous machine, the trio fight the walls with a large number of foam swords, fire pokers, and hacksaws and frequently switch and exchange their weapons from the pile for maximum effectiveness.
4. In a hall of trophies and accolades, Tillie catches her breath while gold coins that are actually chocolate are thrown at her to celebrate the great victory.
5. *GUT THE MOVIE*
[[SUBMIT THE TRAILER->powers]]Searching through the cluttered streets of Planned Obsolescence, Uma gets overwhelmed and pins a note to a telegraph pole. The next day, the trio are woken up by a quartet of brothers who have brought the note to the door of their flat—still attached to the telegraph pole.
"We are willing to work for ten pounds each!" they explain in various fashions, "There is only one condition—I will not stand next to my brother!"
As it turns out, each brother has a close relationship to two of their other brothers, but is the mortal enemy of the other one. To make matters worse, each brother hates a different brother, creating a chart of chaos. But this is the best deal the trio are going to get, so they reluctantly accept and drive them to the parking lot. The scenes they do manage to film are electric:
1. The four brothers argue about the premise of the film while Gemma listens curiously.
2. The four brothers argue about how to fight the monster while Uma glares a tearful goodbye to them all.
3. The four brothers fight in the monster's stomach while the trio attempt to rescue them.
4. The four brothers twitch on the ground while Tillie catches her breath.
5. *GUT THE MOVIE*
[[SUBMIT THE TRAILER->Leonard Cohen]]Tillie gets ahead of the curve and puts a post out online for a struggling creature designer. She gets back an even better pundit: a goddamn puppeteer. Better yet, the puppeteer already has a complex, multi-metre monster who's perfect for the movie.
Less fortunately, it turns out that while the puppeteer's skills in puppetmaking are unquestionable, their ability to puppet the puppet is... questionable. They manage to shoot the scenes they need, but it's a task finding the takes which are watchable:
1. While a sky of disjointed patchwork felt and wooden spokes shakes behind her, Gemma attempts to explain the premise while being drowned out by an enormous creaking noise.
2. Near-throttling the monster as it constantly threatens to fall over and take her with it, Uma screams a tearful goodbye to her patience.
3. An eerie silence reigns inside the belly of the best, the trio taking apart its internal structure at a rapid pace.
4. Hiding from the puppeteer, Tillie catches her breath while covered in fluff.
5. *GUT THE MOVIE*
[[SUBMIT THE TRAILER->Revolution 0]]The three nod and get in the truck, driving to the nearish town of Settlement. Gemma looks up the best local pub on her phone and leads them right to it. They spend their two-hundred quid on many rounds of beers, many plates of chips, and a packet of onion rings and sprawl out on the best seats in the house.
"Stace was right," Gemma sighs.
"Chips," Uma agrees, "Chips are good."
Tillie licks her fingers, then wipes them on a napkin. "I think I've got a better idea actually—for how we can get more money and make the movie. Does anyone have a pen?"
"Not now, Tee," Gemma says, "Let's just have our chips and get a good night's rest."
THAT'S A WRAPSince the actors were Uma's idea, she presents the trailer to the Higher Submission Board, a grand office in the faraway megacity of Los Angeles.
"I loved the ideas we had for this," she admits while rubbing her forehead with the hard drive, "I hope that passion shines through."
"We'll be the judge of that," the Boardmen say.
They watch the video with frosty expressions.
"The story lacks life, and the visuals are uninspired," they declare, "But we're fascinated by your actors. We think you should try making a movie. Here's two million pounds. Don't spend it on chips."
"Devil below!" Uma says, "Don't you want something in return?"
The Boardmen scoff and shrug. "Two million isn't something that matters. We just need content. If it fails, we'll find out who can work for free. That's what freelancing means, right?"
The Boardmen hand her a cheque, which she takes back to Gemma and Tillie with an excited cringe.
"That's a lot!" Tillie cries.
"There's no way we're going to handle this well," Gemma says.
{embed passage: 'Satanist'}Later that night, Tillie inflitrates the office of the Submission Board and steals two-hundred quid from the Boardman's desk. She brings the ten twenty-pound notes back to Gemma and Uma with a cackle.
"That was cheeky," Uma says.
"Screw the Board," Tillie says, "Let's buy more material."
Gemma clears her throat.
{embed passage: 'Not Strong Enough'}Since the sets were Gemma's idea, she presents the trailer to the Higher Submission Board, a grand office in the faraway megacity of Los Angeles.
"It didn't really turn out the way we hoped," she admits while fondling the hard drive, "But we had fun making the trailer."
"We'll be the judge of that," the Boardmen say.
They watch the video with watery expressions.
"The story bores us, and the acting is uninspired," they declare, "But we're fascinated by your choice of imagery. We think you should try making a movie. Here's two million pounds. Don't spend it on chips."
"Gosh," Gemma says, "But what'll happen when it goes wrong? That's an awful lot of money."
The Boardmen scoff and shrug. "Two million is nothing. It doesn't matter anyway. We just need content. If it fails, we'll find out who can work for free. That's what freelancing means, right?"
The Boardmen hand her a cheque, which she takes back to Uma and Tillie with an excited cringe.
"That's a lot!" Tillie cries.
"How the hell are we going to spend all that?" Uma says.
{embed passage: 'Satanist'}Since the effects were Tillie's idea, she presents the trailer to the Higher Submission Board, a grand office in the faraway megacity of Los Angeles.
"Get ready for the most powerful trailer you'll ever see," she proclaims while showing off the hard drive on her palm like a delicate turd, "Your minds are going to explode. WIth cash, hopefully."
"We'll be the judge of that," the Boardmen say.
They watch the video with fierce expressions.
"Frightening," they declare, "We can't commission this. Please go away."
"Oh. Bastards."
THAT'S A WRAP[[?->?2]]Tillie considers. "Two mill ain't that much for a movie. We probably only have enough to go wild on one aspect of the production."
They each have a suggestion.
> [[GEMMA: Spend extra on the greatest sets ever.]]
> [[UMA: Spend extra on the greatest actors ever.]]
> [[TILLIE: Spend extra on the greatest monster ever.]]
> [[STACE: Give in and buy the greatest chips ever.]]Once a decent set of actors, studio equipment, and effects artists have been arranged, the rest of the cash goes to what amounts to a fast-paced round-the-world journey. Scenes are shot in actual beautiful forests and actual breathtaking mountains and actual bustling towns as the monster makes its way across the globe, the trio in hot pursuit. By the end of it all, they're exhausted and never want to make a movie again.
When it's released, it's a critical and commercial failure, but it looks great in gifs. Gemma is relieved to have the weight of her past off her back, having finally proved that she can do anything other than suffer, even if she can't do it very well.
THAT'S A WRAPOnce a decent studio has been arranged, the rest of the cash goes to the best actors their auditions can find, as well as extensive acting lessons for the trio, since they're still playing themselves as the leads. By the end of it all, they're exhausted and never want to make a movie again.
When it's released, it's a critical and commercial failure, but one of their lesser-known cast members—Ylva—manages to become a new heartthrob after appearing in erotic thriller *Legend of the Christmas Mole 2*, and the movie gets a sudden second wind of popularity as people rush to check out all of their productions. A sequel is greenlit, except it's not actually a sequel and will only be approved as a spinoff focussing on the new star. The trio are about to give up control to an experienced shovelware team when Uma realises how funny it would be if she directed it and wrangled her way into an affair with Ylva. They are now married.
THAT'S A WRAPOnce a decent studio and set of actors have been arranged, the rest of the cash goes to the best effects artists the internet can find. Tillie searches for videos of fan films where people begged in the comments for companies to hire the artist *and hires them*. Combining their powers together, the new ultimate team can do everything. Like the old thought experiment about documenting a fictional physics system in so much detail it is forced to become real, computer-generated monster is modelled in so much detail it actually becomes real. And eats the artists.
Thankfully, Tillie still has her phone with her and films the gruesome deaths while hiding from the beast. She follows the monster from a distance as it goes on a rampage through the whole country before eventually being brutally exploded by seven military helicopters, pausing to buy a new phone halfway through because she's about to run out of storage and unfortunately missing the destruction of famous landmark the Spire of Fortune, which wouldn't be an issue if the only people who would've been capable of fixing it in post weren't currently digesting inside the monster's belly.
The large amount of gruesome death she captures would weigh on Tillie's soul, except that she knows she is capturing what will surely be one of the most popular movies ever. And it is. *GUT THE MOVIE* is a sensation in every country except the one where it was made—because there aren't enough cinemas left to screen it, nor people to go see it—because people just can't resist finding out what the hell was going on. Tillie retires immediately, knowing that she will be loaded for life and that she'll never be able to creatively top this fortuitous feature, and every other director in the industry goes back to the drawing board where they belong. As soon as she can, she splits the money with Gemma and Uma, plus a little for Stace, and the three of them set up a base on the Moon where they live out the rest of their days in utter comfort and leisure.
THAT'S A WRAPThe three nod and get in the truck, driving to the distant town of Settlement. Gemma looks up the best chip hotel in the world on her phone and they book a residency for the forseeable future. They spend their two-million quid and the next few years on eternal beers, eternal chips, and a packet of onion rings and get comfy every night in their room.
"Stace was right," Gemma sighs.
"Chips," Uma agrees, "Chips are good."
Tillie licks her fingers, then wipes them on a napkin. "This was the best idea."
THAT'S A WRAPLater that night, Tillie inflitrates the office of the Higher Submission Board and gets arrested. Unfortunately, Gemma and Uma don't have any cash to bail her out, so Tillie remains in jail, unable to make the movie.
Instead, she records a podcast! Once she finally gets out, she gets the other two to record parts on top of it so it sounds like she was talking to them the whole time and not a wall or occasionally her strange cellmate who is only strange because she was so dull. They release it and after several months it becomes an overnight success. Through a variety of sponsorships, they manage to raise two million pounds to finally make the movie! But how will they spend it?
{embed passage: 'Satanist'}